Whoa, What The Hell?
by J. Maria
Summary: Cordelia's coma free, and getting the dish on her family history.
1. Prologue

A/N: Ok, exploring the universe I made with the little domestic scene in WWAM. Yeah, Cordy is Harry's Aunt. I missed tonight's episode of Angel, so I have no clue what happened. (luckily I taped it, but it's at home. wah.) Ok, so she's up and obviously in London. I'll explain. Oh, this is set directly before WWAM. Set after OotP.

**__**

Whoa, What The Hell?

__

Prologue 

"What do you mean I had a brother?"

"Cordelia darling, let me explain. . ."

"You better explain."

Her mother threw back two pills and laughed nervously through the phone. Her previous affair had not ended well, and Robert Potter had taken her baby. Not that she was upset. It was a horrible mistake that she had gotten 'indisposed.'. She'd been happy to get rid of the little freak. Then she'd become Mrs. Chase, and having a baby was expected. She whimpered.

"I - was indisposed -"

"Mother, you got knocked up and just gave away the baby?"

"Well, when you put it like that -"

"You come out as a major bitch? Yeah, I noticed that too."

"Oh - Oh, I'm feeling -"

"Like skirting around the issue with one of your 'headaches'?"

"I - I can't talk."

"Wait!"

"What?" Mrs. Chase sounded exasperated.

"What happened to James, my brother?"

"Half-brother. Oh, and he's dead."

* * * * *

Cordelia Chase made her way across the airport. Queen C was in England, and she was going to get her nephew. Even if it put her back in a coma.

* * * * *

Harry glared at the four walls of the smallest room of number four Privet Drive. He was completely pissed off at everything. Since that night in the Ministry. He heard the doorbell ring as he imagined hurling his shoe through the window.

"May I help you?"  
"Yeah, I'm looking for Harry Potter."

Harry jerked his head up at the sound of his name. Could it be a Deatheater? He was so wrapped up in his frantic thinking, that he zoned out of hearing the conversation. 

"Look, you fat tub of lard, I know Harry's here. And I'm going to talk to him. Now, move your fat ass and let me in."

Harry raced down the stairs to see his Uncle Vernon flat on his back, blood spurting from his nose. A tall brunette stood over him, her hands on her hips. She smirked.

"No one gets in Queen C's way." She looked up and broke out into a genuine smile. "Hey, you Harry?"

"Yes." He said slowly.

"Hey Harry, I'm your Aunt Cordelia. I have some explaining to do. Trust me, it's gonna take awhile."

She put her arm around his shoulders and stepped around Vernon, leading him to the living room.

"It all started with this girl Buffy . . . "

A/N2: Ok, how'd I do?


	2. Chapter One: Run That By Me Again?

BIG OLE HONKIN' SPOILER FOR ANGEL EPI 100! DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT A HUNDRED DOLLARS IF YA DON'T WANNA BE SPOILED !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N: I sit here typing this after just finally watching "You're Welcome", which of course had me tearing up a little. Okay, left fielder I sure didn't see coming. Anyway, none of that happened. The whole big depressing ending? *whispers* _NEVER HAPPENED_. There is no running back for smootchies, she just walks out. K?

I will say this: Joss likes to kill people when he gets to ep 100, doesn't he?

So, Cordelia found out she has a nephew. And through the nephew a half brother who's been dead for sixteen years. No visions led her to him, She googled him. The reason for the aunt/nephew instead of brother/sister sitch? Well, it just didn't seem natural for James to a. cheat on Lilly, b. get all freaky-deaky with her before they were out of Hogwarts, or c. see either of them willing to give up their child and then be all hypocritical and cherish Harry. So, I made Mr. Potter the better of two evils, and raise James (cause I don't recall ever reading anything about his folks, so I bsed)

Thanks to everyone who said I hit right on target with Cordy. Very nervous bout that. I'm really trying to stay in the whole personality thingy. If you've read any of my other stuff, you'll notice I tend to go after the characters people don't write a lot about. (Fred, Amy, Andrew, Faith (sorta), Graham, Xander, Kennedy, Cordy; to name a few, or alot actually) That's my goal, to hit on the passerbys. Anyway, I really held out writing anymore of this story for two reasons: 1. See blip above about the nerves and 2. wanted to see the episode, and 3. I was in deep trouble involving evil homework. *sigh* Between seeing LotR: RotK, epi 100, and all three 'Prophecy' movies, lets just say blubbering all around. You don't care about that, though, so on with the story.

**__**

Chapter One: Run That By Me Again?

Cordelia just couldn't help gushing on and on, telling the boy her entire life story, well, she left out the whole demon possession thing. Couldn't scare her nephew, now could she? Nephew. That had such a nice ring to it. She smiled broadly at Harry.

It was about then, that the door burst open and a group of scraggly looking people raced in to surround her and Harry.

"What is this the defunct English version of Hell, Inc.?"

* * * * *

Remus Lupin watched patiently over the now sleeping Harry. Dumbledore, Moony, and Tonks were all downstairs with the American girl. The Weasley Twins were with the unconcious Durselys. He really ought to go check on them. . . maybe in a few moments.

Harry had seemed relieved when they had shown up. The girl had referred to them as Hell inc., which simply baffled him. But she insisted that she was Harry's Aunt. That she was James' sister. But that was impossible, because James had been an only child. Just like Peter and himself had been. Sirius had had a brother, but James never had any siblings. And if he did, she certainly wouldn't be _that_ young.

"Proffessor Lupin? Did they figure out what she is yet?" Harry asked, propping himself up.

"No, not that I'm aware of Harry. Don't worry, we'll get this all settled." He gave the boy a soft smile. "You should get some sleep, Harry. It's been quite an exhausting day.

Harry seemed to think something over in his head. He opened his mouth once, twice. Then he finally looked up at his father's old friend. He gave a sideways grin.

"You know, I'm half hoping she really is my aunt."

"Why?"

"I think she needs someone almost as much as I do. From all she's told me, I think she's lost her center." He paused again. "That and she's bloody hilarious."

* * * * *

"Run that by me one more time?"

"Harry is a wizard, and one that is currently being sought after by a very dangerous dark wizard. That is why we must go over this again." Dumbledore said, exasperated.

"Look here, buddy. My mother sprung this whole 'I was a teenaged nympho' on my back not a two days after I've woken up from a coma. A coma that I only got woken up from so I could save my friend from evil. . . not that he even thanked me. No, he goes on and lives his unlife."

"Ms. Chase?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. So then, I find out I have a brother, who's dead, and now I have a nephew and none of you believe me cuz some evil nut job wants him dead? Cuz, hello, do I look evil?"

"No, just royally pissed." The woman said beside her.

"Damn skippy, cuz honey, I've seen evil. And it sure don't look this good." She smiled.

Dumbledore looked over the top of his half-moon glasses and felt the urge to be very exasperated. That and the sudden urge to clean them. Curious.

"Be that as it may, Ms. Chase, we do only have your side of the story."

"So, do a blood test, or something else. I mean you are wizards. Isn't there a test for this?"

"She has a point, Albus. There is a test we can perform." Lupin said, entering the room.

"Then lets do it."

* * * * *

Dumbledore sat at the Dursley's kitchen table. He looked down quickly at the spell and back up at Lupin. The man stood in the shadows of the room, not willing to say anything outright.

"Do you trust her, Albus?"

"I think she has nothing to hide, Remus, if that's what you're asking."

"It's not. I asked you if you trusted her." He said bitingly.

Dumbledore looked up at the man. Fear was evident in his eyes. And he couldn't help feeling just a little bit guilty for seeing that fear. That fear had ridden his back for the last sixteen years.

"This isn't about Ms. Chase, is it?"

"Of course it is. And Harry -"

"No, this is about Harry. What's best for Harry. You have always tried to point that out. That Harry should be everyone's first concern. You feel guilty, Remus, when you shouldn't. There was nothing any of us could have done to save Sirius."

"Like you said, Albus. It has nothing to do with that and everything to do with Harry. When James and Lilly were killed, I could do nothing to take care of him. Sirius couldn't either. Sirius at least had a chance to make up to him. To be a father of some type for him. Who picks up that slack now? Who else has he got?"

"He's got me."

Remus turned to face Cordelia. He only turned away from her again.

"So, what's this spell?"

"A moment, Ms. Chase, and I will perform the spell."

Dumbledore rose to his feet and tapped his wand twice on a block of oak wood.

"_To hear the call_

From one of blood 

to another

To feel the kinship

grow and bind

find the blood

and let it glow."

In three of the room in number four, a mysterious glow appeared. The Dursleys all glowed yellow. Cordelia Chase glowed blue. And Harry Potter? He glowed green

"Did it work?"

* * * * *

The Dursleys came too the next morning, remembering nothing more than Harry being swept off into the night by one of his freaky friends. It was, in Vernon Dursley's mind, the best thing that could happen. It didn't explain why his nose was swollen though.

A/N 2: Ok, so good? or not? 


	3. Chapter Two: What Were You Thinking?

A/N: Wow. Really had me stumped, this evil chappie did. Didn't know what it wanted to do, or where it wanted to take me. Cordy piped down in my head, and the whole WFOM gang popped on in, screeching for their turn. Yes. So, that last chap was a bit muddled, no? I popped it out really fast. Cuz, in WWAM, it hit really hard that I had to have Lupin, Cordy, and Harry. Tonks, however, is going to be in this. Maybe a little pal from the Scoobs, or maybe - nope, no other Fang Gangers. Actually, as I write this (the two top paragraphs written) I know who's gonna show up! (AHA! never happens that quick) My new bumbling trio! (No, _not_ Andrew, unfortunately.) He he. Ok. Psychoness aside from the poor, crazed author, I want to thank all of my lovely reviewers. Face, love your reviews, always. Actually, your review kicked me into hyper-drive to get this chap out before I leave for . . .home (lamest winter break ever.) and my net access is gone for nine whole days (I'm a freak.) Yes, clearing it all up. Oh, and _aren't_ green lights pretty? *cough* *cough*

**__**

Chapter Two: What Were You Thinking?

Cordelia Chase would never dare to say her life was typical. . . or ordinary. . .or even sane. She still had tears left to cry in her heart. It had been so hard to leave Angel. Her heart hurt a little to think about never seeing them again. But she had Harry now. Harry to protect. To care for. To love, like she had loved Connor. Well, not in that whole pelvic-y kinda love. But in the way she had when he was a baby.

Like he was her son.

Wait, her biological clock was screeching this loud at _twenty-three_? Whoa, hold up. Wait a minute, reverse and replay that one more time?

Maybe it was just the little brother complex?

* * * * *

Harry opened his door. He was headed to the kitchen, seeing as he hadn't eaten yet today, and was starving. As he began to step out to, he noticed that her door was open. Harry watched from across the hall. It was pretty odd, all of this. What with him glowing green and everything. She wasn't smiling, and that was odd because she hadn't stopped smiling in the last day. At least not when Harry was watching, had she stopped. She was staring at her fingers, a faint haunted expression there. 

That was when she caught him staring at her. She hadn't remembered that his room was right across the hall. He blushed. Cordelia called him over.

"Hey, Harry. Everything ok?"

"No." He said, walking over to her.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"Well, you."

"Excuse me, what did you just say?" She demanded, "Do I _look _wrong?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest? Yes." A weird screeched emerged from her lips.

"No body every told you to be tactful, did they?"

"What? No, wait. Yes - " He took a deep breath. "Is that your way of having me give you a bald-face lie?"

Cordelia almost choked at this. It was kinda creepy how in sync she was with him. Sure, she'd learned the fine art of tact, but give him long hair, pair a breasts and her attitude seven years ago, and you had yourself a mini-Queen C. Still, tact had come in handy.

"Harry, you're gonna mull those words over and realize where you went wrong, k?"

"Oh, that, yeah. Realized it the minute I said it. I _was _hoping to get a smile, maybe?"

Cordy realized what he was trying to do. He was going and being little Mr. I laugh in the face of danger. It was sweet, but not necessary. She gave him a soft smile.

"Harry, I was just thinking how much I miss not knowing you and your parents." Tact, would save her ass.

"No you weren't. You were thinking about your friends, in California." He guessed, seeing that sad look in her eye that she'd had when she'd told him about her life.

"Well, technically, yes, and technically, no. I was thinking about my friend's son."

"Conrad?" Cordelia laughed at that.  
"No, Connor. There - it wasn't good, how I ended things with him."

"Little boys get mad when people leave their lives suddenly. He'll learn to understand." His mind raced to Sirius. And the guilt poured over him.

Great, they were having a depress fest. She punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"So, kiddo, tell me all about you and your fun little life, and I'll tell you about Pylea."

"What?"

* * * * *

Dumbledore sat at the kitchen table, speaking in hushed tones with the Weasleys. Arthur kept nodding along, and every few minutes, Molly would look nervously at the stairs. Remus and Tonks had each gone off to nap a few hours ago.

"The spell proved true then?" She asked nervously, "We're _absolutely_ sure she's not an imposter."

"Yes, we're absolutely sure, Molly. The spell picked up the blue trace in James' blood and the yellow in Lily's blood. Harry's trace is green, and Ms. Chase's blood had the blue trace."

"But we're sure?"  
"Yes, we're sure."

Molly had lost her motive to be all nervous about the girl. She huffed and rose to make some food. That always seemed to help.

"Bill is still working on the Black family tree, to repair it?"

"Yes, he is." Arthur replied. "It's taking some effort, but he thinks it won't be long. Any day now."

"We need to find Sirius's relatives. This home will not hold us if we are not Blacks for very long. It is Tonks alone that is allowing us in."

Molly turned to stare at Dumbledore. This was the one place the Order was actually safe at, if you didn't count that evil, spiteful little house-elf of course. The children were safe here. Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny were safe here. If - oh dear.

* * * * * 

Cordelia smiled, an hour later when Harry's stomach gave the largest gurgle she'd heard in a long time. It was about then that she could smell food being made in the kitchen.

"I think we better get some food. I know I'm starving." She said, rising from the bed.

"Thank Merlin!" He sighed, "I've been dying to eat."

"Gee, glad to know spending quality time with Aunt Cordy is so much fun."

"You know I didn't mean it that way, Aunt C." He said, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Tears sprung to her eyes at the way he said it. It was so cute! Harry noticed the tears, and panic flooded him. It had been like this with Cho. He hated when females cried. Made him feel bloody awkward and like a useless tit.

"I'm sorry. . .I didn't mean it?"

"Harry! They're - they're I'm hungry tears. Let's just go get some, food, ok?"

* * * * * 

Harry broke out into a huge grin when he saw the Weasleys at the table. Ron and Ginny were crowded between Remus and Arthur. Hermione was stuck between the twins, and Tonks was perched on the counter, with her plate in her lap.

"'Bout time, we were gonna send Ron up to get you." Tonks grinned.

"Sorry, mate. We were dead hungry." Fred said, chomping on a chicken leg.

"Dead sorry, had to start without you." George said, slurping at a mug of pumpkin juice.

"You two are completely disgusting. Haven't you _any_ manners at _all_?" Hermione sighed.

"Where were you, Harry? Still sleeping?" Ron swooped in, quickly cutting his brothers off from saying something about it.

"Oh, I've been talking to my aunt."

"What're talking to Petunia for?" He asked, confusion marring his brow.

Harry looked at them confused. He turned to Remus and Tonks, respectively.

"Didn't you tell them?"

"No, Arthur and Molly were told, but we thought you'd like to break the news to them yourself." Tonks said, raising her glass to him.

Suddenly there was a loud shrieking from the hall. They all sprinted to it, ecept for Harry. He was slapping his palm against his forehead.

"I forgot to tell her not to pull back the curtain."

They were all gathered in the hall, surrounding the dark haired woman standing in front of the portrait of Mrs. Black. She was talking under her breath and smiled at Tonks.

"You know, I need a bottle of nail polish remover."

"Why?" Tonks asked, confused.

"To get the scary ass screaming woman on the wall to be blurry."

"We hadn't thought of that, but it's magically -"

"Who the hell are you?" George cried.

"Not that we're complaining that such a lovely woman is in our presence. . ." Fred interjected.

Harry cut off everyone else from speaking, as he turned to face the five teens.  


"This is my aunt Cordelia. My father's sister."

* * * * *

Bill Weasley had just restored another name to the Black family tree when Albus had called him to bring it in. Aha! He quickly scribbled the name down. He made his way over to Dumbledore with the name.

"Here, it's a squib line, but blood is blood, and he's the grandson of Sirius' father." Albus said, looking over the parchment.

"How can that be? I thought Sirius' brother died." Bill asked, confused.

"Oh, I didn't say he was legitimate. I just said of the blood."

The older man rose, and started to leave the room when the shrieking went off again, this time sort of meltingly.

"That reminds me, I have to speak to Ms. Chase." He said, following the noise.

* * * * *

Cordy was smiling at her handiwork. This kicked ass. The ugly portrait was starting to drip. Tonks was beside her, grinning with her.

"Take that, evil portrait biatch."

"Ms. Chase, a word."

Tonks and Cordy jumped to see Dumbledore beside them.

"Sure, boss man, I'm capable of a word or two. Hell, I might even go for broke and give ya five."

"Yes."

Tonks leaned over to her as he turned towards a room.

"You know, we've been wanting to shut her up for the last year."

"Really? Score one for the muggle girl." Tonks grinned, taking the bottle from her.

"Good luck."

"Thanks, I'll need it."

* * * * *

A half hour later, Cordy was sitting, facing Dumbledore as he told her _again_ that she had to leave Harry here and go someplace else. Of course, it wasn't as evil as it sounded.

"You understand this is just because we haven't yet found out who is the rightfully beneficiary of the Black home. We are fearing for your safety. Tom at the Leaky Cauldron has assured me that you will have access to Diagon Alley and I am sending someone with you."

"Who tells Harry?"

"It will only be for a week at the most. Harry must go to purchase his school supplies. And we -"

"WHO TELLS HARRY?" Dumbledore was silent. "Oh, great. It's me again."

* * * * *

"It's only for a few weeks, Harry. And he's trying to make sure I'm safe. He's sending Tonks with me."

"But it's not fair. We'll have no time to hang out and talk. You promised to tell me about Sunnydale and LA. I have school to go to in a few months. I've -" He held back from saying how much he looked forward to forgetting about all of the evil that had happened last year, how much she'd come to mean to him.

"It's a shitty deal, Harry." She said, pulling him into a big hug. "But we take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it. We'll make time to hash out everything, you'll see. And hey, I'll be seeing you in a few weeks, tops."

She let him hold onto her for as long as he wanted. She'd said the same thing to Angel, not so long ago, and it had hurt her so much to say it. But it hurt even more to say it to the boy would come to mean so much to her in the last few days.

* * * * *

It had started to rain when she and Tonks left 12 Grimmauld Place. She'd insisted on stopping at a phone booth. She had to call someone.

"Hello? Can I get the number for a Mr. Rupert Giles?"

A/N2: Gah. Who is the Black heir? Who's the trio? Maybe I'll get that written by the 29th. As always, how'd I do? Toodles I'm off for break!


	4. Chapter Three: Well, We’re Just Chock Fu...

A/N: Well, writing this is becoming too much fun. It was the only one willing to itself out in my head anyway, so must continue it. Haven't had the chance to see if anyone's reviewed it since the twentieth. I know who's gonna be in this, and there's no one else from Angel, but as the story gives it away, there will be a few people from the Buffyverse. As Always, how did I do?

****

Chapter Three: Well, We're Just Chock Full Of Surprises, Aren't We?

Rupert Giles had never been more shocked than when he heard her voice.

Of all of the children associated with the Slayer, Cordelia Chase had always been the last one he'd considered to be ringing him up. Last he'd heard, she was still in a coma, fighting for her life. He removed his glasses as she spoke very rapidly to him.

"Giles, you still there?"

"Erm, yes. Sorry."

"Look, I know we've been kinda out of touch over the last few years, but I wouldn't be asking this if it weren't totally important."

"Yes, of course. I'll help any way I can."

"Great. Cuz I kinda need some back up. You know, like a slayer or watcher guy you can spare? Hell, I'd even take Xander." She laughed into the phone.

"I'll see who I can spare. What was that address again?"

As he was speaking on the phone, the office door burst open. He turned and held up a hand. The person nodded and waited for him to finish his call. As the older English man hung up the phone, the newcomer began speaking.

"Ya know, whoever said, hey wouldn't it be a nifty idea to send someone to the origins of the slayer was a stupid, stupid man."

"I do believe you were the one to suggest it."

"I blame the puppets. They had me all swayed."

"The way I heard you tell of it, it was a damned frightening experience."

"Still, with the blaming of the African Shadow puppets."

"That and Kemba was called there, and you felt the urge to strike out and -"

"Not so much liking know-it-all Giles. Loving the days when we used to pick on Wesley for being a stick in the mud, and having fond urges to do the same to you."

"Then you recall I am your boss and have the use of _both_ of my eyes?"

The dark haired man chuckled as he sat in front of Giles. Yeah, he'd really missed the days when he could pick on the G-man and not be worried of getting fired. Not that Buffy would let him, but she was in Rome.

"Low blow, G-man. Low blow."

"And I do recall telling you never to call me that."

"Whoa, all of this power stuff is killing the humble librarian I knew and loved. Not loving it."

"Why are you here Xander? I thought you were planning on staying in Africa?"

"Nah. Wood decided to visit Africa. That and Faith just gave him the big axe here, so he's not much liking the whole London scene. Sides, me not likey the hot hot sun of the Sahara. Kemba's there with a few other slayers. And I think he kinda has a thing for her."

"Really?"

Xander Harris nodded as he tested the twirl of the chair. Ah, the simple pleasures of civilization. There had been so much he missed. Like corn dogs and working showers and bugs that if they bit you they didn't actually kill you. His brief love affair with Africa over, he was ready to take in the whole London scene, and hey, no bonus dust in the old eye socket to worry about. He nodded his head to the phone.

"So, who was the mysterious phone call from?"

"Cordelia."

"Cordy?" His voice hit that high frightened pitch. Not something he'd come to associate with himself. Andrew, possibly. Himself, king of all cretins? Never.

"Yes."

"What'd she want?"

The door burst open and another dark haired figure strode in. She plopped down into one of Giles' chairs and winked over at Xander. He rolled his eye at her and looked at his boss.

"Hey, you buzzed me on up, boss man. What's the sitch?" Faith smirked up at the head of the Watchers Council.

* * * * *

Harry didn't feel much like talking that day. Especially not to Dumbledore. This was how everything had started last summer. Dumbledore had purposely kept him at arms length and what did it gain in the end? The death of the one person who made him feel like he was finally part of a family.

Hermione tried. Ron tried. Ginny and the twins even gave it a good show of trying to talk to him. He just wasn't ready to listen. The adults were keeping another secret. Harry rose. He knew where they had sent her. She'd be at the Leaky Cauldron. He knew Tonks would be with her. Why they ever sent the only person with Black blood from the home, he'd never understand. Especially so if she were the only real reason they were even able to _be _in the place. But as he was passing the ruined portrait of Sirius' mother on his way to the door, he heard Dumbledore speaking.

" . . . really wise to send her with the Muggle woman . . . . Black heir is yet to be found?"

Harry instantly recognized Severus Snape's voice through the closed kitchen doorway. Giving the front door one last glance, he hurriedly crouched beside the door.

" . . . but the heir has been found . . . . " Harry could barely hear what Dumbledore was saying.

"Where?"

"Here, in London. Quite a spot of luck actually. I've already dispatched an owl. Any moment now, the heir should be receiving the news."

"Outrageous. Wizards depending on the bumbling stupidity of a muggle born of a squib line."

"It is neither for you nor I to discredit the direct blood heir of this home. It is the only way to insure that Harry remains safe."

"And this Muggle woman, who claims to be his Aunt? What of she?"

"She bears the blood of James Potter's mother. A sad, silly woman, if I was not mistaken by Ms. Chase's description of her. Robert Potter was always attracted to the silly beautiful types of women. Luckily, Anna married him and claimed his son as hers."

"That was more than I needed to know, Albus."

"Yes, well, I felt it needed to be said. If, for some reason, the Black heir decides to decline the birthright. . . then we shall have to find another place for the Order to call home. Tonks has been told to wait at the Leaky Cauldron to meet this, well, cousin of hers. I felt she would be the best to explain the situation."

There was a snort of disbelief inside the room, and not for all the knutts in the world would Harry have said he thought Snape was even _capable_ of considering making that sound.

Harry decided he'd heard enough and made his way back to the room that he shared with Ron. The red-headed boy was shocked to see him up and about, and with a smile on his face no less.

"You ok, Harry?"

"Yeah. You up to a game of wizards chess?"

* * * * *

To say Rupert Giles was scared shitless of an owl bursting into his office would be a bald-faced lie. Xander Harris, however many demons and vampires he had faced over the years of living on a Hellmouth, was totally wigged out by the above mentioned fowl.

Faith and Giles both stared at him as if he'd grown two heads and was talking like a snake.

"You're scared of a little bird?" Faith mocked

"What? Willow's terrified of frogs. No one mocks her! Sides, mine have claws and beaks with which to peck and scratch out eyes. Did anyone else see _Birds_? And hey, one eye, so I'm kinda jumpy when one comes swooping at me."

"So, this is like a new fear?" Faith asked.

"Here I thought you were afraid of clowns." Giles said, taking the missive from the owl's leg and giving it a treat and a little bit of water.

Faith bust out laughing, her eyes going wide as she mocked the man sitting next to her. Xander, however, turned beat red, a sarcastic smile spreading on his lips.

"Thanks, _G-man_. You're fear made Buffy into a _vampire_."

"And here I thought you could sink no further." Faith said.

"Yes, well -"

"Oh, hey, I was talking to Xander. Not you." She turned to torment Xander some more. "Clowns? Dude, grow a pair."

"Yeah, well I beat the shit out of the clown, and gee, I did sleep with you, so obviously no, I can't sink any further."

"Bring it on, tough guy."

"Children! Will you cease this infernal bickering? Cordelia has asked for some help."

"Princess is in town? Last I heard she was in some hospital."

"Yes, well, she has recovered and has some urgent issues to be resolved. She phoned me, gave me the address of the pub she'll be staying in." He finished reading the letter. He blinked several times before looking up at the two of them. "It seems that one of you has business there already." He pushed the letter back into its envelope and slid it over to them. "Be ready to stay there for however long you're needed. Both of you."

Faith and Xander locked eyes. This couldn't be a good thing. They each stared at the letter before curiosity took over.

* * * * *

The Leaky Cauldron was kinda gross and dingy at first glance. It didn't get better on the second or third glance either. Tonks smiled reassuringly as she led the way through the pub, stopping when she saw the bartender.

"Hey, Tom. Dumbledore sent you the message. We'll be needing two rooms, if you have any left that is?"

"Yes, double beds in them. Two to a room."

"Wait, why do we need two rooms then?" Cordelia asked, speaking for the first time since she got off the pay phone.

"Oh, that guest I was telling you about. My good friend, coming up to stay here for a little while." Tonks was making a face that clearly said, hey-play-along-evil-spies-possibly-afoot. 

"Right. Friends. Close, personal friends. Friends in high powerful places." Cordy said in a hush-hush kind of voice.

"Cordy." Tonks hissed, "Let's not exaggerate."

"Aww, but she was always so good at that, now weren't you, Cordy?" A male voice said from behind her. She closed her eyes and smacked her palm into her forehead. Hadn't Giles _known_ that she was just joking when she'd said that? Stupid, stupid British man.

"Hey, Xander. Giles is a dead man." She turned, beaming at her ex.

A/N 2: AHA! yeah, that gets ya nothing. But still. End of chap three. *sigh* Its heir time. . . . that's all I'm saying.

A/N 3: Hehe, checked my reviews today. OK, Cordy was killed in the show, but nobody really knew that until the last minute. So she never ran back for the kiss, she just walked out the door and out of LA. So, that's how Cordy came to be alive still. And I think the chapter explains who the possible heir is. Till I finish chap 4!


	5. Chapter Four: God, Clueless Much?

A/N: Writing this not five seconds after finishing ch 3. Its now 4:57 am and I'm officially nuts. Anywho. We got several possibilities for the heir. . . .ok, well two. Xander or Faith. Faith or Xander. Both fit the Black mo. HMMM. Just hafta read ta find out. (Darklight, we have an answer to the heir of the Noble House of Black question)

**__**

Chapter Four: God, Clueless Much?

Xander Harris didn't really _hate_ Cordy. Loathe her, yes. Hate? After all they'd been through . . . . how he wished the I Hate Cordelia Club still existed. The founding members were him and Wills, and Jesse. He grinned over at her. Yeah, that ship had sunk quicker than - well a boat.

During all his internal thought process thingy, he hadn't noticed that she had continued speaking. He was wondering why she was gonna kill Giles, though.

"You would know about that whole 'exaggerating' thing. Boy, did I ever do it while I was dating you." She cast a quick glance down to his waist and back up again.

"Hey! That wasn't called for, or nice either." He said, jumping back from her.

"Yeah, well Life's a bitch, ain't it just?" She kept her eyes down, her spirits not even really rising when she picked on him.

He noticed something off about her. Giles hadn't been forthcoming man with why she wanted someone. He smiled softly at her.

"It's been a rough year. On all of us."

She smiled at him. This wasn't the same kid who'd crushed her heart almost six years ago. No, he was different. Just cuz he was different though, didn't mean she was gonna let him off so easily.

"Please, Xander. I never thought I'd see you all in touch with your feminine side."

Gloves were off. She was gonna be bitchy old Queen C? He was gonna be stupid and witty old Xander.

Ok, that just made him seem like his old high school self. Great. Five years later, and he was still a bumbling moron. Some people do _grow_ up, don't they?

"Well, now then. You're going to introduce me, aren't you, Cordy?" A female voice popped in from her left side. Her hair was a metallic looking orange. 

"Oh, Tonks, my lame ex-boyfriend Xander."

"I'm just going by Xander now, I've left off the lame ex-boyfriend now."

Cordelia glared at him as Tonks led them to a nearby table. She loved Xander, but he could be so damn annoying.. She felt a teeny tiny twinge at picking on a half blind man, but she was over that in a heartbeat.

"So, why are ya gonna kill G-man?"

"Because I asked him for help and he sends Loser boy."

"Major offense taken at that, and no, that'd be _Andrew_." He sat across from her and looked back at the door. "And Giles didn't send me, he sent _her._" He jerked his head back at the woman who entered the pub right then, and Cordy felt her jaw drop.

"He sent a psycho slayer to help me." She said in utter disbelief.

"Once again, no. That'd be _Dana_. This is Faith. She's good now." Xander quipped.

"Hey, princess. Long time, no demon possession." The newcomer quipped, as she squatted down into the free seat.

"Faith. . . how nice to see you're free of prison. I see it got rid of the skanky ho look you had going for you."

"Yeow, and she comes up scratchin'"

"Yeah, four months in a coma will do that for you."

"Try nearly a year. That really screws up the reflexes."

Cordy thought for a minute while. Then turned, confused at Xander.

"If Giles sent Faith to help me with my _situation_, then why the hell are you here? To torment me, like some disgusting male idiot?"

"Hey! and no. I have other business. I'm supposed to meet some Nymph here on business."

Tonks brought her head up quickly. No. It couldn't be him. . . but then, Dumbledore had said the heir was younger than Sirius. And he looked a little bit like him. . . just a tiny bit of course, seeing as they would be -. Wait.

"Nymph. As in Nymphandora. As in Tonks?"

"Wait, stop. What happened to Jessica La Velle - Harris?" Tonks asked suddenly, remembering the names Albus had shown her.

"My mother? Died, about four months ago, her and my father."

"What?" Cordy shrieked.

"Not everyone fled Sunnydale, Cordy. Some hardheaded fools stayed. Mom and Dad were two of them." He said, softly. He looked up at her. "Yeah, they went out drunk and bickering over who messed up their lives. I'm sure they both realized that it _must_ be the son they've always adored who were to blame." He noticed the pity faces on the two women, and the rolling of Faith's eyes as he continued. "Others . . . died during the . . ."

"Anya. . . Where is she? Aren't you two like attached at the hip?"

Faith went very pale and gave Xander a worried look. He'd been fine for a little while. . . then after about seven shots with her and Buffy, he'd broken down. It was a hard thing to face, the death of a loved one. Faith remembered feeling that way when her mom had died. Xander gave a small smile as he looked up at Cordy.

"Anya. . . was one of those others. She . . . she died. In the battle."

"Xander, I'm so -"

"So , what's this with demon possession?" He said, quickly changing the subject.

"Oh, yes, Thanks, _Faith_."

"No prob, princess." She gave her a grin. Faith leaned back and called the bartender over, asking for a beer.

"It's, well, cuz I'm a seer and I have visions and junk. So, I needed to be a tiny bit demon or my head was gonna explode. . . so I became a higher being, and my body got hijacked by a bad demon. But I'm all fixed up now." She said, smiling.

"Oh. You were - sorry, still are a higher being?"

"Well, not really. . . kinda, sort of, I - oh, shut up Harris." She snapped, smacking him from across the table. On his blind side.

"Hey! Don't pick on the one-eyed boy."

"Yeah, C, that's tacky. Like kicking a puppy." Faith said, grinning.

With that, Tonks finally snapped out of her stupor. She looked up at Xander. She needed to get this done with eventually.

"Would you come up to my rooms for a moment?"

They all spun to face her.

"WHAT?"

"That's a little fast, Tonks. Even for Slut O Rama over there."

"Bite me, 'higher being' Barbie."

"I'm sorry, I have one eye, did I hear you right?"

She blinked in confusion. And then realized how that must have sounded. She shook her head and grinned at them. She leaned in, and spoke so they could only hear her.

"It's just that this is a rather delicate issue, and I'm not sure if the pub is the appropriate place to have it."

"Oh."

"Right."

"Yeah."

She rose and grabbed the keys from Tom. She handed him a piece of parchment. Leading the way, Tonks made her way upstairs. It was going to be a long afternoon.

* * * * * 

Albus Dumbledore sat in the hallway, staring at the portrait of Mrs. Black. There were faint traces of a spell lingering in the nail polish remover. So, Ms. Chase was holding back something after all. He hoped that it was not of an evil nature, and found himself knowing that it wasn't. He quickly penned another missive as he reread Nymphandora's note. Yes, his hopes were very high indeed.

* * * * *

Xander, Faith, and Cordy all sat facing Tonks as she paced the room. She'd told them all that she knew about the situation. And now she was waiting for one of them to say something.

"Well?"

"I'm the legitimate son of a bastard daughter, who's half-brother died, and you need me to keep a doorway open?" Xander asked slowly.

"Yes."

"And you're my cousin?"

"Sirius and Mother were cousins, so we're third half cousins." But they both looked incredibly confused by that.

"Say yes, or his head's gonna explode." Faith said quickly.

"And Cordy's half-nephew was my half-uncle's godson?"

"That's about right."

"That makes Cordy and I . . ."

"Absolutely nothing but exes." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Right."

Cordy paced. They were gonna see if Xander could 'work a wand', (yeah, that got goofy grins out of both Faith and Xander). And then they were gonna go see if he could access the Black family home.

"So, are you at least willing?" Tonks asked nervously.

"Sure."

* * * * *

Tonks led the three of them down to Diagon Ally. Faith and Cordy were in the back while Tonks told Xander all about his uncle and the family.

"So, whadda ya need someone for, Princess?"

"Oh, my nephew. He's like _the _walking target for the bad guys. I kinda need someone to, keep a protective eye on him. Someone who can help me beat the ever loving shit out of anyone who even _looks_ at him funny." She said brightly.

"Wizards, they're kinda like, _not _human?"

"More than you're average bear." She said, hoping Faith would get the hint.

"Kick not kill?"

"That's a good motto."

"I'm five by five," She gave Cordy a funny look, "Unless you were thinking more along the lines of a blonde buddy."

"I think I could stand to not have her here."

"Yo, whatever you want." She grinned again, "Just don't expect me to call you boss."

"Hey! I like the ring of that!"

"Whatever, C, but you can dream on."

Tonks smiled as she turned into Ollivanders. She replayed the note in her mind.

Nymphandora, 

Take the three of them to Ollivanders. Mr. Harris should be checked to see if he is capable of using a wand. Ms. Chase, if my theory is correct, has a bit of demon essence in her. She of course, will sustain a wand. The other girl may as well be tested. Bring him here tomorrow at ten o'clock.

A. D.

Yes, this was certainly getting interesting. 

A/N 2: Ok, a bit shorter than the last chappie. But hey. I got two chapters out, I'm all proud (need a moment.) All right. Darklight, sorry it's not Faith, but she is here to help Cordy. Just don't get too used to this whole we all like each other from Faith and Cordy. AS always, how'd I do? Good, bad, or just plain ugly?


	6. Chapter Five: Oops?

A/N: Ok, here we go. It's time to open the door to the wand shop. Oh, and a side note: Xander did try to get his parents to leave. They just wouldn't listen. But then, they didn't know what was gonna actually go down in the Hellmouth. 

**__**

Chapter 5: Oops?

The bell chimed softly in the tiny shop. Mr. Ollivander, the proprietor of the shop raised his head. The four people crowded around the desk. Three were making rather rude comments about his shop.

"Whoa, check out the retro-fitting. They really went all out on this place." The man said.

"Xander, it's called out and out letting the place go to pot. It's so not retro-fitted. It's non-fitted. Like they haven't done any cleaning since they opened the door." The short haired brunette retorted.

"Gotta say, I agree with princess here. Damn, never thought those words would leave my mouth." The long haired brunette was checking the place out.

"Hey!"

"You're normally wrong, Cordy." She r But this? This is just plain ugly. They let it all just rot away to nothin' but boxes an dust. Damn, this place is tore up!" She gazed around the room, muttering, "Damn!"

"Well, actually, this _is_ the cleanest I've ever seen it."

The other three turned to stare at the orange haired girl. She was gazing up at the old glass skylight, squinting her eyes as she focused on something they couldn't see.

"What? It is! And that's new." She pointed upward toward the window. She gave them a grin and continued on. "Merlin, it wasn't up when Mum brought me in to get my wand. Gawd, I was eleven back then. . . can't be more than - oh. It was nearly twelve years ago."

They all continued to stare at her. Until an old sounding, soft voice knocked them out of their little glare fest they had going on.

"Ah, Ms. Tonks. Thank you for noticing our little touch ups. It was necessary to install that. Especially so, seeing as you blew a hole in the roof upon your last visit here. I was expecting you to be here earlier. Professor Dumbledore - "But the wiry little gray-haired man stopped his speech as his eyes landed on the boy they called Xander. "Oh my. You should have been to see me _ages _ago, Mr. Harris." He said pointedly to him.

"Sorry, I'm still on African time zone. Had I known I had a date with a creepy little guy in England, I would have - well, I'd have run and hidden."

"A sense of humor. . . yes, quite. . . fascinating." He reached for the measuring tape, holding it up to Xander. "For your measurements."

"36 24 36."

Faith and Cordelia bust out laughing, nearly falling over themselves. Xander, being ever the laugh seeker outer that he was, tucked in his stomach and stuck out his butt and chest and sashayed. Faith smacked him hard on the back. Mr. Ollivander just watched them, his face void of all emotion.

"Sorry, Mr. Ollivander. They don't get out much. He needs to take your wand measurements, and Xander, wipe that grin from your mouth. Not that wand." Tonks rolled her eyes at her - well, cousin.

"Don't worry, Xan. I'm sure this one'll be longer and -" Faith started, a malicious gleam in her eyes, but was cut off by Tonks hand, which was now nicely covering her mouth.

"Please, let's not send the nice wand man into an episode." Tonks said sweetly to the slayer. But her comments only sent Xander into a dizzying fit of giggles. "Yes, I forgot, you all have the emotional berth of a teaspoon. Seriously, people. Can we get our minds out of the gutter, here."

"C'mon, Tonks. It's more fun if you join in. We can all be perverts together." Xander said, leaning on her shoulder.

"Yes, well, maybe later. Right now, you should just let Mr. Ollivander measure you for your wand. Please!" She turned to him and apologized sincerely.

Xander grinned at the women as he stepped forward to be measured. Mr. Ollivander worked quickly. He smiled goofily as he called back to them.

"Oh, so is this like the tape measurer in Mary Poppins? Will it say that I'm prone to inappropriate and untimely humor?"  
"No, it's gonna say that you're a one-eyed moron who doesn't learn to shut up. Ever." Cordy rolled her eyes as Mr. Ollivander turned back to stand behind his counter.

"I think perhaps, eleven and a half inch maple with a unicorn hair for the core." He scampered up a ladder and shifted through the stack of boxes. "Here, give it a go."

Xander took the wand and gave it a grand wave. A fizzle of fire shot out of the tip toward the girls. Tonks was able to drag them back before the flames caught the hem of their shirts.

"Dammit, Xan. You could have killed us!" Faith yelled angrily.

"No, no. That's not right. Hmm, try this one." Ollivander whipped the wand out of Xander's hand and handed him another. A twinkling blue and yellow light burst from the tip. Faith gazed up at it worriedly, but Tonks only sighed in relief.

"Ah, a fine choice, fine choice. Twelve and a half inches Red Cedar and Oak combination. Core of Phoenix feather. That will be seven Galleons."

"I'm paying for the lot, Mr. Ollivander." Tonks nodded to him.

"Yes, of course." He placed the carrying case on the counter. "Miss Chase?"

"Yeah, I'm coming."

He quickly measured her and raced back to find a box. Mr. Ollivander called out the wand type as he brought one forward.

"Holly and dragon heartstring. 9 and a half inches." She'd barely laid a fingertip on it, when the older man jumped back. "No, definitely not! You really ought to warn one of your condition. Deadly combination."

"Sorry?"

"Here, try this. Maple and Mahogany. Thirteen inches. Bog Myrtle as the core. Give it a go."

A green glow filled the room. Cordelia shivered as the power seemed to course through her. This almost felt like when she became a higher being. Only, not so much with the boredom. It felt as safe as being in Angel's arms, knowing nothing bad would happen. It felt as good as meeting Harry had.

"Wow."

"Hey, yours is bigger than mine!"

"That's not the best thing to say right now, Xander."

"Six Galleons, Miss Chase."

He turned to face Faith. She was going to be a difficult one to place. He knew that she was a slayer. Albus had warned him that there might not be a wand for this girl. But something nudged at him. It was much like how he knew that Miss Chase would favor the Mahogany and Maple.

"Now Miss -"

"It's Faith. No Miss shit."

"She likes to think she's got that Madonna thing going on." Xander joked.

"Faith, here. I believe I've got the one." He smiled softly at her.

*_An Hour Later*_

Tonks sighed heavily. She glanced at Xander's watch and then shifted her gaze up to where Faith was straddling the counter. 

"Damn, can't I just get any wand?" She yelled back to Mr. Ollivander.

"She's been through twenty-five wands." Tonks eyes widened as she stared at the pile of rejected wands.

"Really?" Xander asked absently, leaning back in his seat.

"That's gotta be a record."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Miss Faith. If this one doesn't work, no wand will. I almost hesitate in having you try this one. It's an unfinished eleven and a half inches. Mahogany. Core of unicorn hair." He sighed as he leaned, exhausted, against the counter.

The wand wasn't much more than a jagged bit of wood that looked a little thinner than a stake, but thicker than the wands she'd tried before. It was thicker in the handle, with just barely etched designs instead of a fancy handle. Faith lazily flicked it back and forth once.

It set off black and red little fireworks. Cordy, Xander, and Tonks all stared in disbelief. 

"Wicked."

"She would get the wand that looks like a stake." Cordy muttered to the other two.

"Awesome, I can use it as a stake, if this mojo shit don't pan out." Faith got a wicked grin on her face.

"You will not be using an Ollivander hand-crafted wand to slay vampires Miss Faith Helena Faygan."

"You wormy little bastard!" Faith narrowed her eyes, as she pushed off of the counter. "You can't tell me what to do!"

"Her last name's Faygan?" Xander whispered back to Cordy.

"Ten bucks says they use to call her FayFay."

"Probably where she got the five by five bullshit."

"Don't act as if I can't hear you, Princess and Pirate-boy." Faith snapped her gaze to the three of them sitting on the chairs by the door, Cordy and Xander both leaning back so they could whisper behind Tonks' back.

"You two owe me three Sickles." Tonks said smugly, grinning at Faith. "You said she'd be too pissed to notice."

"Damn." They reached into their pockets and dropped six silver coins into Tonks' outstretched palm.

"You cannot use one of my wands in that fashion! Using a fine hand-crafted wand to stick in the chests of foul vampires, is like using a Galleon to wipe your arse." Ollivander's face was a bit red as he continued to rant on about his precious wand.

"Yo, O. It's an unfinished wand. It hasn't had time to be handcrafted! So, it'd be like me wiping my ass with a penny."

"Are you implying that my wand, one of MY wands, is as useless as MUGGLE money?" He was outraged.

Tonks jumped to her feet, quickly stepping between Faith and Ollivander. She smiled at him as she handed him the 20 Galleons they owed. She thanked him for the generous amount of time he'd spent on their purchases, bid him a good day and swept Faith out the door, following Xander and Cordy.

It took Ollivander roughly three minutes to realize what the girl had done. He straightened his shoulders, looked around his shop and tried to make himself presentable. That lasted all of two seconds.

"Bugger it." He flipped the open sign to closed, let his shoulders droop and reached under the counter for the bottle of 25 year old Firewhiskey. He down the first shot and poured himself another. "Most trying sell of my life. And I beat my old record. Damn insufferable Americans." Ollivander tipped back the whiskey and pour himself a third.

* * * * *

Tonks was staring at them. And she was laughing. They'd gone and purchased some robes for the three of them. Faith, as previously hinted to in the wand shop, was a hard one to place. This, of course, didn't show itself, until the robe shop. Where she proceeded to hassle the poor saleswoman until she had on a stylish black leather and black denim atrocity of a robe.

"You couldn't aim for something that wouldn't make you stand out anymore. As if that top and those jeans don't go and put the wrong ideas into the heads of decent and slimy wizards as it is."

"Please. I'm flaunting what I got. I'm game for a bounce and a wiggle." Faith winked at another male customer.

"Really, well reign it in. That boy's no more than sixteen." Tonks rolled her eyes.

"I'm getting this robe."

"Fine."

Another hour spent waiting on Faith. This had to be some kind of record. The slayer would go down in history as one of the most annoyingly complicated shopper ever to walk the cobbles that made up Diagon Alley.

They were making their way back to the Leaky Cauldron when someone decided to try out Faith's theory. Without her permission. Three wizards found themselves kissing the pavement.

All in all, it was a relatively quiet evening.

When they finally made it to their destination, all four were ready to kick back and enjoy a nice butterbeer. They were doing just that, laughing and making more jokes, when Tonks felt a large, clammy hand clamp onto her shoulder. The entire table had gone silent, but her three not-so-muggle companions looked ready to pounce. She gazed up behind her as she shook off the hand. She rose to her feet to face the man standing behind her.

"Hello, Nymphandora." The dark haired man grinned at her, with perfectly straight teeth. Well, they wouldn't be straight for much longer. She threw her weight into the punch that landed squarely on his mouth.

"Wotcher Flint." She said sweetly to the man, now laying painfully on the floor. 

She quickly sat back down, took a deep gulp of her butterbeer. Which she ended up regretting, because half of it went down the wrong way. Faith just shrugged her shoulders and took a sip. Marcus Flint groaned from the floor. Tonks sighed as she leaned forward on her elbows.

"You three are a bad influence on me." She sighed heavily.

"You were born a bad influence, Tonks." A pained voice said from the floor, sounding nothing like the arrogant prat who'd called her by her despised first name.

"What would you know? You're three years younger and loads thicker than I am, Flint."

"What's that Muggle saying about not punching the messenger?" He said, pulling himself up, using their table. He pushed an envelope to her, discreetly. But the other three caught the exchange.

"It's don't shoot the messenger, man. And technically, she didn't." Xander answered, gulping down the last of his drink.

"She just gave you a hell of a right hook." Faith laughed, leaning back so she could check this wizard boy out.

"Damn. We've been summoned." Tonks said, breaking into the rest of the groups thoughts.

"Where to, Tonks?" Flint whispered in her ear.

"You? The hell out of my ear 'afore I hit you again. Us? Nona." She mimicked something Faith had said earlier,

"Nona?" Flint pulled back.

"None of your damn business." She replied sweetly, leading the group out the door and into the street.

A/N 2: Dear lord, it's been a long time, and god, Am I loving writing for the four of them! Apologies in advance if I screwed up her age. Just wanted to make Tonks the same age as the rest of the group. And as for Marcus Flint. . . well, I blame AureliaFlint's The Last Man On Earth (aff.net), Dreamcatchergrl's Sparks (Fiction Alley), and Echo's Chase Malfoy of Diagon Alley London and Chasing Amy, and the newest image at Cauldron Chronicles. They've all made me go and fall for Marcus Flint. *sigh*

So, they've been summoned, why? And where? And please pretty please drop me some feedback, because this chapter had me up till five, and it went in a totally opposite direction than were it was headed. And sleep now, but reviews are loverly gifts to encourage more. (Oh, and the wands? I went to Alivan's and tested to find the perfect wand for me (they sell wands for real, btw, so don't buy any or try this at home.) and of course put on my Faith, Cordy, and Xander hats and so the wands they end up with are the results I got.)


	7. Chapter Six: You Want Me To Put What, Wh...

A/N: Yeah, it was a little cliche to give them all wands. But I wanted to, so there! That, and c'mon. Xander's the Heir of the Most Noble House of Black, he's gonna have trace elements of Magic. Cordelia's got like an ounce of demon blood in her, so hence the magic having. Faith - well, I gave her one just for the hell of it. As for Flint, well I've grown an unhealthy obsession for him. So I even made up a history for him and Tonks to share. See, it'll get explained in this part here. I'm glad everyone liked the last part. Big thanks to the reviewers, and readers who've been waiting so patiently for me to get on with it. (sleep has been achieved, thank god for afternoon classes!)

**__**

Chapter Six: You Want Me To Put What, Where?

Xander Harris felt his jaw drop as the house emerged from the wall. He grinned over at his cousin (or whatever Tonks was to him), but she was too busy glaring up the bulky dark haired Flint. Cordy was anxious. She'd stopped talking and was wringing her hands.

He knew it'd been three days since she saw her nephew. The girl he knew really wasn't the same as she'd been nearly five years ago. Cordelia Chase had grown up to be a responsible adult.

A responsible adult who had to raise a teenager.

"So, this is very - wow." Faith said, admiring the large building that only their group could see, apparently.

"The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black." Tonks muttered under her breath. The damn spooky place still gave her the willies and she'd been living here off and on for the last two years.

"Can we get inside? The five of us aren't exactly inconspicuous here, you know." Flint said gruffly, most of it directed to Tonks.

"Gee, Flint. Didn't know you knew the meaning to that awfully big word. Did Malfoy teach it to you?" Tonks batted her eyelashes up at him, keeping a slow and steady tone as if she were speaking to a five year old, not a twenty year old.

"Malfoy would never have to teach me anything." He sneered at her. "Bet I could teach you a few things, though. . . Nymphie."

"I bet she could give your dick a smooth introduction to her knee. And not in the fun kinky way." Faith said, a chuckle rippling through the air.

Xander, Cordy and Faith made their way into the impressive Black manor. Tonks turned to face Marcus Flint. His face wore a suggestive leer. She sneered back at him.

"Well, I highly doubt that . . . Markie-pooh." The bigger man's face blushed a horrible shade of red. Sometimes, it paid to be older. She turned quickly to make her way in the mansion. Flint followed, hot on her heels.

* * * * *

Tonks was trapped between Faith and Flint. She stood on her tip-toes to see around the slightly taller slayer. Only to find Xander at the business end of Snape's wand.

"Snape, get your wand out of his face." Tonks rolled her eyes. Wait for it. Wait for it.

There was one quick snicker. Than three more, and then all hell broke loose and Xander nearly bust a gut laughing so hard.

"A bunch of gutter-sluts." Tonks muttered. It was funny though, no doubt about it. Snape just stood there, staring and pointing. "Severus Snape, Potions Master and Slytherin pain in everyone's ass."

"And here I thought that was my job, Nymphie."

"Flint, shut it." Cordy snapped, whirling back to face the annoying man. She shoved the dark greasy looking man out of her way as she raced up the stairs to find Harry.

Snape shot a hand out to grab onto her shoulder. Xander caught this with his good eye and something came over him. One minute he was watching Cordy being whirled around, the next his arm was extended and the man that was bathed in black was on the floor. Screaming like a little girl.

Sometimes, Xander really missed Andrew. He smiled at that.

"Go get Harry, Cordy."

"Whoa, Xander. Talk about kickin' wizard ass." Cordy gave him a quick peck on the cheek as she bounded up the stairs.

"Impressive use of force, Xan. I'm impressed." Faith grinned at the now blushing man before her. 

Xander extended his hand to the man on the floor. Snape merely glared at him as he narrowed his eyes and pushed himself up off the floor. He gave the younger man a nasty scowl before sneering and muttering something.

"Yes, you would be Black's whelp of a nephew, wouldn't you?"

"Hey, only one person's allowed to call me whelp. And while he might have the same taste in clothes as you, you're not him."

"Yes, well now that the introductions are over. . . Severus perhaps you should let Molly take a look at that eye? Mr. Harris, I am Albus Dumbledore. We have many things to discuss. If you'll join me in here?" The old white haired bearded man stuck his head out of the room to the left.

"Only if you call me Xander, D-man" He said, following him.

Faith shoved her hand in her back pocket. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes and knocked one out. She stared at the Snape guy.

"Yo, there a smoking room in here?" She popped it between her lips.

"No, there's not." He said, turning sharply, his black robes billowing around him. Snape made his way to the kitchen. 

"Shit, I'll stick it out a window." She muttered following him.

Tonks and Flint just stood there, their mouths hanging open in disbelief. Snape had been knocked to the ground - by a muggle and hadn't even _said _anything about it!

* * * * *

Cordy yelled loudly. She couldn't wait to see her boy again. Whoa, starting to sound freakishly like Darla. And that? That was never a good thing.

"Harry!" She yelled at the first door she passed. 

There were several pained groans coming from behind it. She narrowed her eyes and shoved hard as she tried to open the door. There were several thuds and another series of groans as she got the door open.

Laying on the floor were four Weasleys, that Hermione girl, and her beloved nephew. All sporting extendable ears.

"What are you doing?" She demanded.

"Well, the Order won't tell us anything, and well. . ."

"You guys are a trip. C'mon. Faith and Xander are downstairs. You guys can meet them. And Look." Cordy smiled as she whipped out her wand.

Harry's face lit up as he stared at his aunt. They'd made her a witch.

"I'm a wand-carrying, well Seer with demon blood." She grinned.

She wrapped her arm around Harry's shoulder. She smiled brightly. This Aunt stuff felt so good. She leaned towards him.

"Sirius' nephew is downstairs. Oh, and he socked that Snape guy you all hate so much."

Ron's eyes got misty. He grinned like an idiot after that.

"I think I'm gonna like that bloke." He said almost drunkenly.

"Yes, well get over your amazing boy crush on the man. And quit acting like a great big fool, Ron." Hermione rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, you're making Hermi all jealous ickle Ronnykins." George muttered, following them out the door.

* * * * *

Faith rolled her eyes at Flint's blunt non-existent innuendos. They were out and out booty calls. She leaned forward on her elbows, sure the twins were getting an eye full. She laughed as Tonks smacked Flint again. It was the third time he'd tried to grope her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." She warned Flint.

"Oh, and why not, Faithie?" He sneered.

"Case you didn't notice Xander's little testosterone fit earlier," She shifted her gaze to Snape and back, "He doesn't like people touching his girls."

"Well, lucky for me, your Xander isn't here." Flint gave her a smirk.

"Not so lucky, cuz if she don't knock your ass down, I will." She gave him his smart-ass smirk right back at him.

* * * * *

Faith and Tonks were sharing a room. Cordy was spending time with Harry. And Xander? Well, Xander hadn't left the room he was in with Dumbledore talking about official documents. She stared at Tonks.

"So what's this shit going between you and Flint?" She leaned forward.

Tonks jumped a little. She gave Faith an odd look. There wasn't anything going on between her and Flint.

"Nothing. We went to school together."

"Really. There's no sexual tension between the two of you at all?" Faith asked, knowingly. 

"What? No! He's three years my junior, a Slytherin, and he hit me in the head with a bludger." She snapped.

"So you went to school together?"

"Yes. But nearly everyone here went to Hogwarts! Flint's -"

"Kinda hot." Faith said, grinning at her.

"This is crazy! I'd - I'd -"

"Take that pony for a ride?" Faith whispered, grinning as Tonks eyes went wide as she stared at Faith as if she'd sprouted three heads.

"No! I'd - that's just wrong in so many ways." Tonks jumped up from the bed her, hands raking through her hair.

"Nah, it ain't. God, Tonks, did you see his body?"

"I'd rather sleep with Percy Weasley before -"

"Which one, the kid?"

"No, you haven't met him. But -"

"Damn, what's wrong with this Flint guy? Just jump him and get him out of your system." Faith plopped back into the pillows. "I'm sick of this junior high bullshit you two have goin' on."

"I will never, _ever_ sleep with Marcus the-bloody-bastard-snake Flint. I'd take a vow of celibacy first." She muttered laying down in her bed.

If that were true, then why was her sleep haunted by images of Marcus Flint? Damn it.

A/N 2: Ok, slow moving chapter. Wanted to get the Faith/Tonks conversation in. Next Chapter is going to focus on Xander's conversation with Dumbledore and some Harry/Cordy talks.


	8. Chapter Seven: What Were You Doing In Th...

A/N: Ok, superduper inspired to write this. So. What to do about the relationships? We'll see. And in this chapter, there's gonna be some back jumping, seems I got a little ahead of myself with the last scene in ch. 6. Hope you like.

**__**

Chapter Seven: What Were You Doing In There?

Xander stared at the older man who sat across from him, his hands folded over a pile of parchments. Xander's hands clasped on the small diary of his dearly departed uncle. The man had gotten quite sentimental over the last three years, writing pages upon pages of his family, his obsession with why so many of his cousins had gone bad, what his mystery sibling might be doing.

"So you see, Mr. Harris, your uncle was quite aware of your mother's presence. In the end, it weighed on him as heavily as his concern for Harry did." Dumbledore spoke softly.

"So he knew about Mom?" Xander asked softly.

"Yes, in general, he knew that he had a half-sibling. Sirius did not know if said sibling were male or female. I'm sure he would have been very proud of Jessica."

"Glad one of us is deluded enough to believe that," Xander rolled his eyes. "Unless being trapped in a loveless marriage with another drunk is something you can be proud of. And then being too stubborn to save yourself because you don't want to have to pay for a hotel room. Or God forbid, a new house."

Albus Dumbledore didn't want to say too much. He knew that Alexander's life had not been easy. Yet the boy did not know that the painful trials in his mother's life had started at a very young age. Jessica La Velle had had a brush with the cold woman who ran the Black Home with such an iron fist, cursing all muggle-born witches and wizards, when her own lineage was dotted with half-bloods. For a single year, the shy timid little creature had lived in the Black Manor. Until it became obvious to the witch of the house that her beloved little boys looked awfully similar to the squib housekeeper's daughter.

Jessica had been haunted for years with that particular nightmare of a woman trying to pour poison down her throat. Her mother had forever walked with a limp and carried her own night terrors with her for the rest of her life. Aurelia La Velle never did remarry, instead she gave her young, impressionable daughter to her Muggle family. Aurelia naturally assumed that she would draw the brunt of Scylla's revenge. She was correct in that assumption. Aurelia was viciously attacked, leaving her horribly disfigured, partially crippled and unable to raise her own child. She was however, wrong in assuming young Jessica would be well cared for by her family.

Jessica was abused as a child, and taught that all women were weak and useless. That was probably why the misguided woman latched on so quickly to the abusive Anthony Harris. Albus was very sorry to hear of the girl's passing.

Of course, Albus had very little knowledge of the whole situation himself until a few days ago. He decided that it would be best to avoid telling the boy the whole truth for right now.

"The Black family is one of the oldest wizarding families in England, did you know that?"

"Can't say as I did." Xander replied truthfully, rather relieved to _not _be talking about his mother.

"Yes, there are several of your relatives in this very home. The entire Weasley family is distantly related to you, and of course, Nymphandora. Your Grandfather, Julius, had three siblings. Alphard, Augustus, and Medea. Augustus married a woman who was half Veela, or one would say, like a nymph of lore. Christianias bore him three daughters, Andromeda, Bellatrix, and Narcissa. Andromeda is Tonks' mother, and was your uncle Sirius' favorite cousin."

"So why doesn't she move in? She -"

"Lost favor in the Black family when she married Ted Tonks, and was forever banned from setting foot in this home ever again. Tonks, however, was not."

"But the other cousins -"

"Are not the sort we'd care to have, seeing as Bellatrix murdered Sirius, and Narcissa betrayed him."

"Lovely family you found me, D-man."

"Narcissa married Lucius Malfoy, who is now in prison, and bore one son Draco. And please do not call me that."

"So my family here's even more screwed up than the one back home?" Xander asked, shifting uncomfortably, his eye locking on a cage in the corner.

"Yes, precisely."

"What happened to my other uncle?" He asked, distracted by the sudden movement in the cage.

"Regulus was a death eater for a very brief amount of time. He did not join up until he was twenty, and was killed before he reached his twenty-first birthday. Your uncle Sirius was nearly four years his senior." Albus sighed heavily. "Sirius never knew if he or his brother had sired any children, and we were hoping that maybe they had. For you see, we need you here to act as an assurance that the home will indeed remain open for the Order's use in the war against Voldemort. Are you willing to help us, Mr. Harris?"

Xander snapped his head away from the pair of pixies battling it out in the cage that hung directly over Dumbledore's left shoulder.

"What?"

Faith lit the cigarette, ignoring the five men ogling at her and the one that was glaring in her general direction. She leaned heavily out the window and took a deep drag. That was when she got smacked upside the head.

"Put that filthy thing out at once, young lady." A red-headed woman shouted.

"That was my _last _cigarette. I'm supposed to be enjoying it!" Faith yelled right back. "Colonel Pain In My Ass is _making _me quit."

"Language!" She cried again.

"What the hell are you screaming about, Faith?" Cordelia cried, as she led the small troop into the kitchen. Her arm was wrapped around a tall, lean dark-haired boy. Faith leered at the boy.

"Who's baby Salty Goodness, C?" Faith purred. She gave him a wink. She knew that was one of Cordy's favorite lines, and was teasing her.

"This baby salty goodness, is just that. A baby. That means you keep your mitts off of him." Cordy snapped. Faith grinned even wider. She half expected someone to chirp up with a solid old school 'Darn tootin'. But even as she was thinking this, Cordy spoke again. "Unless of course, it's in a saving his life kinda touching. Of course."

"Oh, right, of course." Faith mimicked. She let her eyes travel over to the kid. "Course, _that _kinda touching could save him from the boring ass life he's gotta have been livin' here with Mommy Dearest and The Man That Wore a frickin' dress." She gestured her head towards Molly and Severus.

Harry was absorbing in this woman. And he didn't really know if he should be insulted that his aunt thought of him as a child, or if the other woman thought of him as an adult. It was . . . odd. And she'd insulted Snape and he was letting her get away with it.

"Faith, Harry. Harry, this is Faith. She's my -" Cordelia paused. She furrowed her brow. "What are we exactly? I mean, you tried to kill me and mine a couple of times, but you also saved us. But we're not really friends." Cordy eyed Faith. "I mean, at least Xander's fashion sense got better with age - yours? Not so much."

"And here the G-man was hoping ya'd learned tact over the years. You _slept _with your boss' -" Faith started, until she saw the panicked look in the other woman's eyes. "Besides, I'm two years younger than the rest of you and yours. My fashion sense is still in. As apposed to - and I'm not bickering over _fashion _tips with you, am I? God, I've lost all bad ass points I had - and lady," She snapped her hand up to catch Molly's hand before it touched her head, "Try that again, and I just might have to _snap_ it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard it before Faith, and I'm not impressed. You're about as big and bad as Spike was when he tried to bite me at Wolfram & Hart. Although -"

"Wolfram & Hart? Angel's Wolfram & Hart? When you woke up, _Spike_ was there?" Faith demanded.

"Yeah, all peroxide-ed out. Talk about bad style." Cordy continued.

"Spike died in the battle with the First, Cordy." Faith said softly.

Severus Snape found this rather distasteful. But then, most things that involved his old schoolmates often left a disturbing feeling that clouded him mind, and left a rather sour taste in his mouth.

The women, the Americans who'd been able to have wands pick them, left a very similar feeling in him. He turned to face them, clearing his throat. As amusing as this _wasn't, _Severus was actually hoping they could get to the bit about explaining who the odd girl was. Both of them snapped their gazes on him, and actually seemed to be challenging him. He stiffened, and unfortunately, it was quite visible to all and sundry. He narrowed his eyes to that of the crude girl.

"While we all find this rather fascinating, who are you?" He sneered.

The chit had the gall to turn from him and face that ridiculous creature, Tonks. She gave a grin that reminded him eerily of one of his students.

"Who's Tall, Dark, and A Pain In My Ass, and why is he commanding me like I've got all of two brain cells." Her gaze snapped quickly to Cordy. "Say anything. I dare ya."

"Please, that was too easy." She rolled her eyes.

"He's Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts." Flint helped, as he scooted closer to Tonks, who visibly backed away. She continued on, grinning up at Snape as she said what pretty much all of his students were thinking. "Though, it's really Defense Against the Dark Arts he's wanted all these long years."

"They actually teach a class about dark arts?" Faith asked.

"We could have used something like that at Sunnydale. Would have made things a whole lot simpler than they were, and bonus credits towards graduation."

"Higher Being, still a sore subject." Faith warned.

"Forgot. You were in a coma and all."

"So were you."

"Ladies, you're going off topic here." Tonks said, wiggling away from Flint who'd wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "And you are treading in very dangerous water, Flint."

"Is anyone else about to be nauseous that Flint is making moves on Tonks?" Ron whispered loudly.

"It's not just you." Ginny replied.

"You still haven't answered me, Miss -?"

"It's Faith. No miss, no ma'am, no hey toots." A mischievous grin played over her lips. "Well, unless it's for kinks."

"And if she told you who she is, she'd have to kill you." Cordy replied happily. "Always wanted to say that, and hey, it's true."

"I think I should show Faith to her room. Excuse us, Molly. Snape." Tonks pushed the chair back to get up, but tripped and nearly went sprawling to the floor. Almost. Just as she was about to smack against the hard floor, two arms dug into her shoulders, yanking her back. She turned to thank whomever it was that grabbed her. The thanks were on her lips, where they soon died as she looked up at who it was. "Let go, Flint." She said coolly, exiting the kitchen. She barely heard the mutterings of sexual tension before Faith followed her up to the room they would be sharing.

Tonks had been in one of the rooms, doing nothing of real importance when she heard a small movement. Ignoring it, she went back to whatever it was she was doing. She heard the noise again. This time, it frightened her a bit. She jerked around quickly, colliding into a thick wall of warm muscle. A small, pained groan slipped past her lips. Her eyes darted up to the face that had once given her chills of fright. His cold, calculating eyes burned with a frightening fire.

Desire.

Lust.

Whatever you chose to call it, it all equaled up to the same thing. Sex. And Marcus Flint wanted her. For that! And Merlin help her, if the chills darting up her spine didn't feel good now. She must have gone 'round the bend. But as his arms wrapped around her, and his hands claimed her flesh, as if he were molding it. He lowered his lips to hers and -

"Bloody Everlasting Hell!" She cried, jerking awake and up off the bed. Sunlight glared through the windows, blinding her, waking her fully. The dream had felt so very real, and hung heavily on her mind. Or it did, until a pillow collided heavily with her face.

"What -"

"Shut it, Tonks. Some of us are still sleepin' here." Faith grumbled from under her own pillow.

Tonks felt a rather strong urge to vomit. And in the back of her head was the tickling little notion that she really wished it hadn't been a dream. Merlin, her new friends and family were having a horrible influence on her!

Xander finally got to leave the room early the next morning. He crept into the kitchen and found that someone had left a plate magically warming for him. He picked up the piece of parchment on it.

__

Figured you'd need food before sleep

- Cordy

He had to smile at that. For a second, he thought, _that's my Cordy_. Even though she hadn't been his for nearly five and a half years.

"So, learn anything interesting?" She asked, disturbing his thoughts.

"Lot's about needing to stabilize something, and a war against some guy, and well. It was long, I was tired, and there were a couple of pixies having it out in the background."

"So you pretty much zoned out?'  
"Yup. And I think I volunteered to sign up in the war." He grinned suddenly. "But hey, I got a nifty fixer-upper and a butt-load of money, so I'm not complainin'"

"Same old Xander." Cordy snorted.

"No, not same old Xander. Rich, one-eyed Xander. See the difference."

A/N 2: Well, I'm back on track with some of my older stories. And I'm back from a very long internet deprivation. (Not good when you find out you've got nearly four thousand emails.) This is a shorter chapter than most, but I hope you like it anyway.


	9. Chapter Eight: And You Are What?

A/N: Ok, you very faithful readers and reviewers might want to string me up for what I'm about to do . . . but don't cause then, you'll never learn the rest of the story ;-P There is a method to my madness. So no yelling (ok, moderate yelling I'll allow.) And there's just a tiny bit of fluff involved.

**__**

Chapter Eight: And You Are What?

When Xander awoke two hours later, it was with Cordy's head on his shoulder. He grinned down at her. She'd spent most of the night with Harry, talking about what had happened during the past few days that they had been separated. He couldn't believe this was the same girl he'd known for most of his life in Sunnydale.

"Are you quite done staring at me, Harris?" Cordy groaned as she pushed herself up and away from him.

"How do you know that I was staring at you, Chase? Maybe I've got a lazy eye. Maybe I strained it, and it's stuck - hey! You're head was down!" He quipped.

"Yeah, but you fell for it." She grinned.

"I despise you."

"I bet you use that as one of your pick up lines." Cordy stretched as she rose to her feet. "If I remember correctly, that was the line I used to pick you up in the Summers' basement."

"Yeah, we were fighting the bug man."

Cordy shuddered in remembrance. That had not been one of her favorite memories of Sunnydale. She held out her hand to him.

"C'mon, lets get dressed and get ready for breakfast."

"You look like Cordelia Chase but you sound so much like a merciful angel."

"Quit being a ham." Cordy rolled her eyes.

It was still early, and most of the house was dead asleep. Cordy and Xan were knocked out on one of the couches, and it seemed like everyone else was still tucked up in their beds. Faith made her way quietly down the stairs.

It had been a long day and an even longer night, especially since Tonks' moaning had kept her up half the night. Faith gave a small snort at that. Like Tonks didn't know who she was dreaming about. To be truthful, she was itching for a round or two with a guy - any guy would do.

"'Someday some one'll surprise you.' He said. Got a real big surprise when I found him with that Chosen-One Wannabe." She muttered, turning into the doorway that led to the kitchen.

"Pardon me?" A stiff sounding voice said from behind her.

Faith whirled around, her muscles poised to hit first and ask questions later. It was a good thing she resisted, because she found herself facing a young red-haired guy just behind her in the doorway. He had to be one of those red-haired maniacs running around this place.

"Anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on people? I could have kicked your ass, and I haven't even eaten yet."

"Did anyone ever tell you that it's incredibly rude to mutter under your breath? Or to speak to oneself as if no one should hear you is called _thinking_?" He straightened the horn-rimmed glasses, and Faith resisted the urge to deck his annoying ass. She gritted her teeth as he continued. "Speaking to oneself is considered to be one of the first signs of mental illness, you know."

"Jesus, it's Red with manners and a dick. Assuming you got one." Faith paused for a beat. "Hell, that's just an insult to Red. And it ain't rude if you're by yourself. Saying stuff out loud helps me think better."

"Then I think you should stop, because that was utter drivel that just poured out of your mouth."

Faith let out an angry breath as she forced herself to keep her fists at her side. She didn't get a chance to respond to him, because Tonks decided to barge into the kitchen at that point.

"Morning, Faith. What's there to - Bloody Hell!" Tonks yelled. "Percy pain-in-the-arse Weasley? What the hell are you doing here? Ain't got any cauldron bottoms to inspect? Or are you just too far up Fudge's arse to do that properly?" Tonks demanded harshly.

"I am here on the bequest of Professor Dumbledore, not that it is any of your concern Auror Tonks."

"See, it's that attitude that makes someone wanna hex you, Percy." Tonks said brightly, shaking her finger at him, but Faith figured what she really wanted to do was slug him.

"If you will excuse me," Percy said tightly, side-stepping her.

"Hey T, what'd he do to you?" Faith asked when he left the room.

"Nothing. Broke his mother's heart. Molly's his mum."

"I figured, what with the red hair and all." Faith rolled her eyes. "And you mentioned his name. I may not be the quickest person in the world, but I think I can remember somethin' you said two minutes ago."

"Yeah, well Percy's as close to a blood traitor as it gets." Tonks said hotly, reaching for a bowl and some eggs. "Molly was a totally different person last year -"

"Nymphandora Tonks, you step away from my cooking things right this instant -" Molly said loudly, making her way into the kitchen.

"Bloody hell!" Tonks jumped nearly half a foot off the floor, dropping the bowl. It shattered loudly, but she managed to not drop the eggs. Molly groaned.

"Not again." Molly whipped out her wand and did a quick tidying spell. "Why don't you girls pop into the garden for a bit. I'll fix you up some breakfast."

"It's best if we do as she says." Tonks said glumly.

Faith followed her. It kept her out of the kitchen and away from Molly, and she'd like to keep it that way. Tonks plopped down onto the black wrought iron bench and stared up at the cloudy sky.

"I used to be dead clumsy as a child. Horrible really. Broke a million things in this house, accidentally of course." Tonks picked at the chipping black paint. "Including this god awful bench. Sirius' mum, she was a dead frightening woman. Struck the fear of god into me, she did."

"Well, you can't be a klutz your whole life, T." Faith really didn't want to get into the whole motivational speaker thing. That was B's shtick.

"Yeah, I think I can't either. But then last spring I screwed things up, all last year I broke stuff round here." Tonks laughed at herself. "Funny enough, it was always when Molly was around. I was fine that very first week - but then Sirius told her all about how I used to break things."

"Let me guess, Mommy of the Year told you she didn't think you'd break anything now that you're all grown up?" Faith asked.

"Yeah, now that you mention it."

"Look, I ain't too good with the whole psycho babble, so I'm gonna say it quick. Sounds like you're doin' what's expected of you - being a screw-up because that's all they think you can be." Tonks gave her a look. _Aw, Hell no. _"'Cept for Flint. He just wants to hit it." Faith gave her a knowing grin.

"Oh shove it." Tonks groaned.

"Girls, breakfast's ready."

Marcus groaned as he pushed himself up off the bed in the room he was sharing with Weasley. Speak of the devil.

"Good morning, Flint." Percy said testily.

"Weasley." Marcus grunted. "What's crawled up your arse?"

"Nothing has crawled up my arse."

"Oh, just the stick that's permanently shoved up there then?" Marcus yawned.

"No, thank you very much." Percy snapped. "Just had a lovely little bump in with your lust object."

"Nymphie? First thing in the morning?" Marcus grinned. "She wearing that little strappy number this morning?"

"You are deranged, you do know that?"

"Yeah, but then I am trying to get into her pants."

"So most of the house has gathered." Percy paused. "Who's the brunette girl? The American?"

"Which one? Short and choppy or long and wavy?" Marcus stretched.

"Long and wavy."

"Slayer, goes by the name of Faith."

"Really? Why is she here?" Percy questioned.

"How the fragging hell am I supposed to know? Came with the Black heir and Potter's auntie. Threatened to bust my chops. Must say, I like her ballsy attitude, but then I am after Nymph. Why?"

"I found her rather inane and vulgar." Percy slid a disparaging look over his way. "She seemed rather perfect for you."

"She got your panties is a twist then?" Marcus retorted. "She's a right sexy little thing."

"You're absolutely disgusting, do you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I here it a hundred times a day. Come up with a new one, eh?"

A/N: Ok, shorter than the last one. . .the next one will be longer, I promise. Honest.


	10. Chapter Eight: Oh Did I Offend You?

A/N: Ok, bonding scenes around for all. Um, yeah. Those just popped up outta nowhere. UST is coming up, next followed by some aggressive behavior, and maybe even time for shipping off the kiddies. And maybe a little faith.

**__**

Chapter Nine: Oh, Did I Offend You?

Tonks groaned inwardly when she saw him. Didn't he have a life? Or at least someone else to bother? It'd be such a wonderful change if he weren't hanging about doing nothing.

Marcus Flint sat next to the only available seat in the crowded kitchen table. Faith caught her eye and gestured to the counter. Tonks felt like thanking her, but held off. Faith slid into the seat between Flint and Percy.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Stiff-Upper-Lip." she grinned maliciously, and caught Cordy's eye as she and Xander snuck into the kitchen. "Yo, queen C, who he remind you of?"

"What now?" she asked, trying to focus on the man Faith was pointing at.

"Miss - Faith, would you please get your hand out of my face?" Percy said darkly through nearly clenched teeth.

"Oh my god - look Xander, it's what Willow and Wesley's love child would have been like!" Cordy cried, then paused a beat. "Well, the not gay Willow and senior year Wesley."

"Not needing the mental image, Cordy." Xander shuddered. "Nyah! Now that's an image I'll be stuck with for months."

"Oh, grow up Harris. I've seen Wes shirt-less before, he's not that bad looking. Willow - well, you found her hot enough to give up all this." Cordy said, doing her best Vanna White impersonation and showing off her goods.

"Can you to not be talking right now?" Tonks snapped, interrupting them. "It's putting me off my breakfast." she pointed to the precariously balanced plate on her knees with a forkful of scrambled eggs.

"That and it's making Perce a lovely shade of red." Flint said around a mouthful of eggs, showing that it wasn't bothering him in the least.

"What in Merlin's name are you lot going on about?" Molly Weasley demanded, bustling back into the kitchen. "Have you two gotten yourselves something to eat? No? Here, then, let me fix you a plate. Tonks, why ever are sitting up there - with one of the good plates - don't we have any more chairs?"

Tonks jumped slightly at Molly's admonishing voice, and felt the plate wiggle on her lap. She made a mad snatch at it, but it slipped right off her lap. She waited for the pitying look and the admonitions to start, and the shattering of the plate to bounce off the walls. Instead all she received was a cough and a nudge. She pried her eye open nervously and saw Faith holding her plate out to her.

"You gonna take this?" Faith said quietly, while Molly's back was still turned.

"Thanks." Tonks mouthed, taking the plate in both hands. Faith just shrugged.

"Ugh, Molly do you know how many carbs are in this?" Cordy said wrinkling her noise, but still taking the plate Molly offered.

"Oh, get over it Chase. Since when do carbs stick to you?" Xander said around a hastily shoved in mouthful of food.

"Whoa, Xan-man, way to make with the nice." Faith said grinning, watching as Cordy gave him a tiny smile.

"Hey, where's my boy?" Cordelia said, clearing her throat and avoiding Faith's comment.

"Harry and the others are still sleeping." Molly said distractedly, glancing up at the clock on the wall. "Merlin, is _that_ the time? Percy, go up and fetch Harry and the others." When Percy hesitated, Molly narrowed her eyes. "Did I stutter? Go on, they have to go to Diagon Alley for their books. Marcus, you and this lot are going as well. Where is Remus? He said he'd be there as well. Hmph."

"Eat quickly." Percy said to Marcus as he jumped up to go fetch the younger teens.

"What?" Marcus spluttered, his eyes quickly moving away from Tonks' legs, but Percy was already out of the kitchen.

"Marcus Flint, are you quite finished?"

"Huh?"

"You've been here for twenty minutes, your plate is empty. Are you finished?" Molly said slowly, as if she thought the boy didn't quite understand what she was saying.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley." Marcus jumped up.

"Good, then go help Percy round up the twins and see if Severus has decided to stick around this morning or if he's already back at Hogwarts."

"Morning Mum." Charlie Weasley said between yawning. Tonks grinned at him.

"Wotcher, Charlie."

"Morning, Tonks." he grinned right back at her.

Marcus felt his fists clench at his sides as he stood in the doorway watching Tonks grin like a loon at Charlie. Cordelia prodded Xander. The dark haired man gave her a dirty look before he caught sight of Marcus. He gulped down the mouthful of food.

"Hey, were we introduced?" Xander asked, taking the seat nearest to Tonks and directly cutting off Charlie's path towards her. "I'm Alexander LaVelle Harris, Black heir, one-eyed not-so-much-a-pirate kinda guy. And you?"

"Charlie Weasley. Second born. Dragon tamer."

"_Dragon_ tamer? Those things are _real_? No shit." Faith grinned.

"All these years as a slayer and you've never seen a dragon?" Tonks asked, not sure what was going on.

"I have." Xander said nonchalantly.

"When did you see a dragon?"

"When Buffy died closing the portal the hell god Glory opened about three years ago. There was a dragon - I wonder what happened to it. It just sort of vanished."

"On the Hellmouth? And nobody noticed a fricken dragon?" Cordy said flatly.

"On the Hellmouth?" Charlie asked, interrupting her. "In the Western states?"

"Yeah." Xander said slowly.

"I know what happened to your dragon. A mate of mine from the reserve had to go fetch one quietly out of a wildlife reserve about twenty miles south of the Hellmouth." Charlie said. "Bloke had a long ponytail back then, went up in a blaze of glory, or so he says."

"That makes my hair hurt." Cordy said.

"Marcus, what are you doing still hanging about the doorframe?" Molly asked, handing Charlie a plate.

"Must be too thick to remember what you said." Charlie muttered under his breath.

Xander, Cordy, and Faith all exchanged looks. Marcus had heard what he'd said, and looked as if nothing in the world would give him more joy than to jump over the table and strangle Charlie Weasley to death. Luckily, Marcus wasn't as stupid as everyone thought he was. He merely walked out the door. Molly smacked Charlie's arm.

"Ow, mum, whatcha do that for?"

"Honestly, Charles Weasley, I raised you better than that!"

"Mum, he repeated his seventh year! He acted more like a mountain troll than any _sane_ wizard or _in_sane wizard I've ever met, and he annoys Tonks."

"Thanks, Charlie." Tonks said.

"No problem. I know what hell he put you through on the Quidditch pitch back in school and Harry and Ron have been telling me how annoying he's been now that he's a member of the Order."

"Wait, you two have a history?" Cordelia demanded.

"Yeah, I told you that everyone in this house, with the exception of you three, went to Hogwarts. Charlie was a year older than me and my Quidditch Captain, not to mention one of my best friends. Minding of course that Kingsley has gained more friend points than you over the years."

"Real nice, Nymphie." Charlie huffed playfully.

"Morning, Aunt Cordy." Harry said, making a not-so-grand entrance. "Morning Faith, and er, Mr. Harris. Right?"

"This is Harry - and wow, did you really just call him _Mr. Harris_?" Cordy asked.

"Well, I didn't want to call him Xander, I don't really know him."

"Call him Xander. It's his name." Harry hesitated a second, looking over at Xander.

"Yeah, go ahead. You can call me Xander." he nodded, smiling.

"See, he's okay with it."

"Yeah, it's not like I'm gonna run around calling people Mr. or Mrs. if I know their names. Plus it'd get crazy if I called everyone Mr. Weasley. And it's not like I'm gonna run around bowing and scraping saying Mr. Potter to you. You're Dawnie's age."

"He's one damn polite kid, C." Faith chortled.

"Who's Dawnie?" Harry asked at the same time.

"Real nice girl. Even if her older sister is Buffy." Cordelia answered.

"Hey, that's one of _my _best friends you're talking about there. You don't hear me making with the jibs on fang-boy." Xander said defensively. Turning to Harry he started talking. "Dawn'll be sixteen in a few weeks, early September-ish. She's in Rome, doing the whole study-abroad thing, now that Sunnyhell's dead and buried."

"Harris, don't even _think _about match-making." Cordy warned, her eyes narrowed.

"Who, me?" he said innocently.

"Mini B's got an inch on him, and she likes pumps." Faith pointed out to Xander.

"Yeah, I was thinking about that." Xander's eyes fell on Ron, who was standing just behind Harry taking a plate from his mother. "Hey, tall, red and Weasley. You seeing anybody?"

"Me?" Ron blushed, and the brown haired girl went suddenly very tight mouthed.

"Er . . . never mind."

"So, we're going to this Diagon Alley place today?" Cordelia said, changing the subject. "What've you got to get there, cuz let me tell you that Ollivander guy is so gonna hate us if we walk back through the door."

"No, we don't have to go there." The red-haired girl smiled at Cordelia.

"The boys will probably need new robes, and they'll all need books." Molly said, wiping her hands on her apron. "New work materials."

"Can't exactly buy our books without our O.W.L.'s, can we?" Ron muttered.

"Why can't you buy your books without owls?" Cordy asked.

"Owls? Where?" Xander asked, looking around nervously.

"Why are you acting like a big chicken about owls?"

"Why are we talking about birds?" Ron whispered to Harry.

"Ordinary Wizarding Level. O-W-L." Hermione explained.

"Huh?" Xander and Cordy said at the same time.

"They're tests you have to take in your fifth year of training. To see how much you've learned and actually understand."

"Like S.A.T's?"

"What are those?"

"They're the test we had to take to get into college, same deal as your O.W.L.'s. They get you into college too, right?" Cordy asked.

"No, they just tell us what advanced classes we can take that will specialize in chosen fields. Like Harry needs Outstanding and Exceeds Expectations in order to become an Auror like Tonks." Hermione said, taking a plate from Molly.

"Hurry up, children. Oh, these came in the morning mail." Molly said, handing each of the older three teens thick envelopes.

Cordelia, Faith, and Xander watched as all three stopped eating and nervously opened them. Hermione looked as if she were going to throw up, Ron was pale, and Harry seemed to stop breathing. Molly hovered over their shoulders, smiling brightly.

"All Outstanding!" she said to Hermione, hugging the girl affectionately.

"Seven O.W.L.s apiece!" Molly beamed at Harry and Ron.

"You and the kid must get your smarts from the same place." Xander grinned at Cordy.

"Why do you say that?" Harry asked curiously.

"Because I kicked major ass on the S.A.T.'s when I was your age."

"Only really did bad in Divination and History of Magic." Ron said, "But who really needs to learn Divination? Useless talent if you ask me."

"Divination? Like having visions?" Cordy asked stiffly.

"Yeah, pure rubbish if you ask me."

"Uh-oh." Faith pushed back from the table, and Xander visibly winced.

"What?"

"You do know that _I'm_ a Seer?"


End file.
